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Problem: Acceptance

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Problem: Acceptance

Post  Lesbian Believer on Tue Jul 09, 2013 10:46 am

I have got a problem which I can not solve on my own so I decided to ask you for advice. Perhaps you can help me!?

The problem is the following:
I am a lesbian hellenist and I am friends with a 'pagan' group in my town. Last year I had my coming-out and from now on my mother is of the opinion that my 'pagan' friends seduced me (One of them is gay but he moved to another city months ago.).
She knows that I read books about "Wicca" and "Druidism" before I became a serious follower of the Greek Gods.
She thinks that dealing with these people and communicating with them "made" me homosexual. I know that she is wrong. When I asked myself the first time if it could be possible that I am homosexual I was 16 years old.
Today, I am 19 years old.
I have never told anyone how long I lived in insecurity about my sexual orientation.

She does not accept that I love women AND that I am a polytheist. She wants me to become "normal" and start a relationship with a man. I do not want such a relationship. I do not hate men and I do not want to punish my mother (She thinks so.). I have male friends and I have kissed a man recently, but I can not imagine a relationship or sex with him because I am in love with a woman (Unfortunately, the woman is a member of the pagan group I mentioned.).
I did not choose my religion and I did not choose my sexual orientation. My sexual orientation is no resultat of my religion.
I hope you understand what I want to express.

How can I deal with the situation? I would like to talk to my mother about this issue. I just do not know where to begin and how to manage that she listens to me. I fear she hates me after talking to her. Crying or Very sad

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Re: Problem: Acceptance

Post  Erodius on Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:11 pm

Of course nobody made you into a homosexual. Sexual orientation is not a conscious choice by any means.

I did not choose my religion and I did not choose my sexual orientation.

You did choose your religion. But you did not choose your innate attraction. Nothing can 'make' you into a homosexual if you are not so already.

How can I deal with the situation? I would like to talk to my mother about this issue. I just do not know where to begin and how to manage that she listens to me.

There is really not much you can do. You can explain to her exactly what you've explained already here, and assure her that nobody 'made' you attracted to women, and beyond that, all you can do is hope that she will listen. You cannot make her listen or agree.

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Re: Problem: Acceptance

Post  Linda on Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:29 pm

Hi!

I think the best you can do is to simply tell your mother what you told here. That is, the time span. That you started to sort out your sexual feelings long before you met your friends. And that those two issues have nothing really to do with each other - save for that you may feel a greater level of acceptance there than with other religious faiths.

Lesbian Believer wrote:She thinks that dealing with these people and communicating with them "made" me homosexual. :

I'd even guessed 'the other way around' which means from my own experience that a lot of people with other-than-straight sexual orientations have been attracted to certain religions mainly because they have been met with a larger level of acceptance and tolerance with people in these communities than with, for instance, Abrahamites. A friend of mine left Islam for Wicca because of being gay, and eventually he found his way to Zoroastrianism where he is now and feeling great.

I've suggested earlier in this forum to write a letter. Perhaps it work with your mother. Or you can find a chance to sit down with her for a lengthy talk; or take a walk together, for instance. Hopefully, she'll come to terms with your sexual preference when having mulled over it for a while. After all, that's just one small part of what makes you into you. And you're still you, even if you get turned on by girls.

Good luck and may the Gods bless you!
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Re: Problem: Acceptance

Post  Lesbian Believer on Fri Jul 12, 2013 10:39 am

@Erodius: Of course you are right, I did choose my religion. But I did not choose which Gods I want to worship - I simply felt that the Greek Gods were the right ones and the only ones I was able to pray and make offerings to.
@Linda: Thank you for your response. I guess writing a letter is the wrong way in my case. I will take a walk with her.

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Re: Problem: Acceptance

Post  Anniemal on Fri Jul 12, 2013 12:03 pm

Wow, that is really tough. I would suggest you ought to concentrate on one topic when talking to your mother. It seems you two have been working up a lot of issues and it is unlikely work them out all at a time.

From reading your opening post I would say you both are much more concerned about the 'gay- part', since this is the one thing that's probably not going to change in your lifetime, it may vary a little but it is a simple fact that the chemical processes in your body and brain chose your preferences, and not your consciousness that made a specific choice at a certain time (yes, there are exceptions to this rule, but I don't want to imply this case here).

You've come to a certain part of your sexual development and you certainly know what you prefer and what is most fulfilling for you. Most others choices in your life underly a continuous evoltion but your sexual orientation evolves rather fast and is then basically settled (that is the reason for the short span of puberty to be such an itch: so many questions, so little time. It's a struggle for all parties involved. ).

- There are expectedly 2,5- 10% gay people on this planet (Loads of surveyes but nothing to rely on).
- You don't change who you are because of being gay (You are just the same daughter, with all the pros and cons).
- Being gay is not a character flaw (It's your bodies chemical choice. And actually it is an asset Wink).
- The amount of love you are able to give is not influenced by whom you love.
- Sex is a stupid way to punish your parents. (There would be better ways.)





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Re: Problem: Acceptance

Post  Callisto on Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:07 pm

I agree with others that part of the difficulty here is that you have two entirely separate and significant aspects of your life that would better be discussed separately. The only "connection" between your sexual orientation and religion is that such religions typically do not condone OR condemn one's orientation, in general such 'pagans' are accepting of individuals regardless of their sexual orientation WHEN it is healthy, mature (adult) and consensual. But I'll also burst a stereotypical bubble in that there are 'neopagan' individuals who are no less homophobic and/or bigoted than non-pagans - at the end of the day all people are human and flawed regardless of their religious affiliation.

The only thing that should be brought up regarding your beliefs (when discussing your sexual orientation) is the above. And in regards to your friends' group, that they are non-judgmental group of friends who have accepted you for the person you are - but no, they didn't make you the person you are nor have anything to do with whom you're attracted.

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